so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
