just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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