I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I stole a fireplace last night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
