Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
