When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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