I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
