I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
50% drunk capacity currently
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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