"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
FUCK WHALES
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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