My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
