The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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