Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
