had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
