You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
