To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
