so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
