The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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