Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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