The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
