im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
