This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
