Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
