I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
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Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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