I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Welp...herpes.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
