Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
