It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
