she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
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