remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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