when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
