Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
