I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
