Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
