Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
