tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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