Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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