Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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