YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
