You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
