I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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