the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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