If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
