so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
