I want to walk on stilts...naked
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
