my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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