He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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