I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
