So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
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jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
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we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He better not be in your backpack
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee