I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.