i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen