You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.