This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.