We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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