god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
