i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
