so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
