I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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