i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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