I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Sorry my hands just texted you
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
