i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
