I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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