you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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