I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
