I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
