I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
