im six kinds of drunk right now
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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