My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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