your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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