My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
