apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
