my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
