she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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