I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
