oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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