At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Is it because I queefed?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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