This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
